The Talking Traveller

Ever since the 15th of May my slogan of "I am facing my fear, my fear is disappearing" has bothered me. This has been my personal slogan for 6 (yes....six) years now. I've been facing fears such as public speaking, job interviews, getting lost, being alone, starting over, talking to complete strangers, making new friends, starting new jobs, being disconnected from friends and family, etc intensely for the last year or so. I do feel that I am able to face and enter any situation I can think of. Now, I will respect anyone who disagrees with me and says, "yah right, aren't we getting a bit TOO full of ourselves? Are we getting a little TOO confident?" The answer is no. I'm merely stating that I have desensitized myself for situations that previously "2-10" years ago would not even realise in my mind without electing intense panicking fear and worry. I do still feel a certain amount of fear, but I have created references that pushes me to walk and talk in any direction. It is still not a proverbial "walk in the park", it still takes a certain amount of concentration and especially motivation, but I feel......ABLE. Enough of the past, if any queries or further questions, feel free to ask.

Let's talk about the future. I feel that it is time for a now slogan. I've been delving deep to come up with something that can express my deepest desire and means of achieving it in one sentence. The advice from my Dad "nothing is more important that being happy" mixed with the thoughts of "we are what we continuously think, feel and do" is leading me into the direction of "I choose to feel, think and do what leads to ultimate happiness". But this is a bit loose. It sounds too easy, too unspecified. I want to incorporate my realization that to achieve my desires it takes constant and never-ending responsibility for what I think, feel and continuously do and that perfection is unreachable, which is perfect! Because that means that I CAN always improve. Not only is this responsibility to myself, but my friends, family, children I teach and everybody that I have the privilege to make happy, even if it's only for a moment. This is the basic idea.....I will ponder it, swirl it, and eventually mold it into a form that makes me feel most at ease. Any suggestions welcome.

Today I went for two job interviews. And incidentally enough both interviewers had the name of "Amber". Bearly any anticipation fear. I entered the situations, faced them, came out alive. I'm still awaiting response from the first . I was totally honest with her. She asked the usual questions and then carefully asked a very personal one of why I often "stop" when I speak. Of course this is the result of my pausing in speaking, deliberate disfluency and the actual stuttering that comes through once in a while. I explained that as in our current conversation, it's reality, it's the way I speak, and it will and is no problem when teaching. She then asked that if prepare will I be 100% fluent.....I looked into her eyes smiled and said. No. Never. But maybe it will be 99%. That was the first phase of the interview, awaiting response, no expectations. The second interview went great. I secured one more hour teaching per week. Hurray!  Contacts: 7300. Only made 300 in the last month.

It's those small victories which we attach so much pleasure to that pulls us through a slump. I had victory this week as I had an oral exam with my students. I had to stay after school and call to their homes with some rehearsed questions. We had practiced a list of seven questions for the whole week so I was quite certain they where adequatly prepared. As the calling time approached I could feel the tension building inside my chest. I had practiced asking the questions with 3 of my friends so was quite certain of them. I also deliberately filled the exam with challenging words that I would have to say. The time came and I made the first call. With my boss keeping a strict eye and ear on my I progressed through the list really concentrating on my breathing and articulation. In the 25 calls I had only two flinches on the word "Vacation Island". It went very well and I rewarded myself with a pudding afterwards. To some else it would maybe seem not so big a deal. To me it is a victory, giving me the same feeling as winning the jackpot would.

VIP 

Today I had the privilege to be taken on a field trip with one of my LE partners and his friend. They picked me up at the train station and we then proceeded towards a Haka (indigenous Taiwan people) village where we feasted on excellent Chinese cuisine after visiting a temple. My chopstick skills are improving but is still no match to the dexterity and quickness of theirs. The highlight of the day was however when we drove to “ Lion Head Mountain ” and had a very expensive cup of coffee at a secluded coffee house not known too many tourist but very popular among the local people. It first got interesting when I saw the prices per cup of the coffee. I decided to let it bother me as I am receiving my paycheck tomorrow! The 2^nd flicker of interest arose when I noticed that the cup that was placed before me had a different pattern than those of my two friends. After a while the owner joined us and shared with me his English vocabulary as he explained I am a VIP guest (being a foreigner…) and that he specially chose my cup with his lucky finger (???). My cup can be compared to a 20 year old Charaz wine whilst those of my friends may be only a 12 year Charaz , I definitely felt very honored! 

He later returned to our table with two ornaments carved from bamboo, and explained that this is his passion. I admired his masterpieces, expressed my appreciation for true art and took a photo of him. Before we knew it he had four other pieces displayed on the table and also his hand made tools that he uses. One carving showed the hand of Buddha holding a flower. My friend translated as he told that Buddha once took his students out to the field. Buddha didn’t speak but only smiled as he picked a flower. His students asked him the meaning of this but he just smiled at them. Later on one of his students understood that Buddha taught them all livings things are beautiful and should be appreciated.

The owner then further explained the different levels of bamboo carving and the importance of having patience and persistence. He is always eager to take in new students and explained that parents should encourage their children to acquire a hobby such as this. This would be much better than, for example, than watching TV. It is healthier, you practice patience, temper, dexterity, acquiring skill and, most importantly, you would have something to show for time spent….

I examined his work closely and was immensely impressed by the perfection, smoothness, perfect dimensions and the creativity. I also close watched this man’s hands and could clearly see healed cuts and bruises transformed into strength, confidence, flexibility, sensitivity and gracefulness while he handled his tools. This has inspired me once more to continue to develop my own skills and mastery of my nervous system to control, as I choose, my diaphragm, breathing, thoughts, feelings, emotions, values and beliefs whilst transforming my ideas into audible physical states. So that I have something to show for my time spend, and one day have the humbleness and desire to let my fellow man feel like a VIP.  

Strange that sometimes it seems that a certain period always seem to have some kind of theme attached to it. Last weekend I would without hesitation label as being colorful(not in a psychological way but physical). It all started Saturday morning when I went to shop for a guitar. With two of my friends by my side we entered a guitar shop and my eye caught a shiny red guitar. At first I thought, "A red guitar.......hmmm". I them plucked on the strings of a light-brown, kind of ordinary round shaped guitar. Although the price suited me the sound was just not exactly what I was looking for. I then took a chance and strummed a G-cord on the ridiculously red guitar, turned to my friends and said, "This is my guitar!". We had a social event that event where we prepared some cultural items to entertain each other and the red guitar made it's debut. 

The Sunday afternoon I decided to get on my scooter and go. I filled up with gas, compass in my pocket and ended up along the beach. I enjoyed watching children (and adults) color the blue sky with kites. Strolled passed the seafood market and experienced some very interesting sight and smells.......frog anyone? I then continued to cruise down along the beach until I ended up under a rainbow bridge. The road stopped so I turned around and headed back for home.....check out the pics in the "Taiwan" album.